Old as dirt

This sassy grandma chick came up to us in the parking lot of the general store in Moab on Saturday morning. She walked up to Roger and said "What the hell are you doing here?" We all thought she was his long lost aunt or something. He just said he was going jeeping. She said, "Anyone who drives a jeep is a dumb ass." We were all wondering who she was. She told us that her husband bought a jeep and she told him if he didn't keep that G.D. thing on the road, she wasn't going to ride with him anymore. I asked her if she'd been drinking. She said "No, not this morning yet." And then she told us how she doesn't allow her grandchildren to come into her house if they've been drinking. "In fact, she said, if any man comes to my house drunk, I just shoot him. I've got 5 bodies in my basement right now!" We all believed her. Then she asked about Johnny and what he was doing there. Johnny said we were jeeping and here for the car show. She took him by the hand and said "Come with me I'll teach you a few things." Michal ran interference and explained that Johnny was leaving soon on a mission so he couldn't learn anything from her right now. Her last piece of advice was for Jason. She said "You look like a guy who knows how to please a lady." Jason said, "I've just learned that you say Yes, dear and don't argue." She said "Well, you've got it figured out. I should take you home with me." We asked her for her name and she said "Oh, hell, I don't know" and walked off into the store. This lady was full of it. She totally reminded us all of my sassy Grandma Kate!